God has been speaking to me this weekend. It's something I'm fighting tooth and nail. Cause actually, He's been telling me, for months now, that He is jealous of me, and He is jealous of the time I spend away from Him.
Attributing it to being weak, and ignoring the little jabs that seem to be getting stronger, and knowing it will be sooooo hard and sometimes painful to let go of the things that fill my time, I've made no changes. But last night, the guest speaker at WRC spoke a few amazing words. One was that you are able to hear God's voice, His prodding. But if you ignore it, it will become significantly quieter until you no longer hear God. I've spent a life not really able to hear God, and now that He's talking to me, I don't want to lose it. I want it to be MORE than what I have now. I want it to be ALL of the time. So I must not ignore what I hear, right?? *sigh*
I woke up this morning singing "You're all I want, you're all I've ever needed" and then "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace". Somehow, this morning, it was much easier, and even appealing, to NOT go to my usual vices. I know I have heard God's voice, and I listened immediately without fighting or "pretending" I hadn't. I expect blessings. And better, I expect to hear His voice more often, and more clearly.
These addictions I have are very strong, and it will be so hard not to slip back in, but while I am able, I am letting go!! I hope to find more things to fill my time with that are more God honoring... and I hope that if I slip back, that He will be giving me the words and the strength to let go again.
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