KS - Fasting prep night

I do not have this all planned out.  I waffle between being very at peace, excited, and scared to death...  I borrowed Krystal's juicer and plan to do a juice fast.  I am aiming for 40 days and am going in with a stick to it attitude.  I will beg friends to support me when I want to quit.  I can not imagine going from a food obsessed, "what do I get to eat??" with every step and breath girl, to someone who has completed a 40 day fast.  I would be so "proud"  (not a very holy word or thought, but I aim to be very honest here.

My goals are many and disjointed (which, from my reading, is not idea either).  I am doing this because food is what I go to instead of God.  When I wake up in the morning, I think of what is planned for the day and how I will eat in those plans.  Pretty sure I will wake up tomorrow and realize I have started fasting, and my heart will sink.  But then I will look forward to the juice, and remember why I am doing this, and reach out to God.  I am also giving up AT LEAST Facebook, but I really may have to give up my entire computer.  I think I will need it - for the blogging portion and recipes for juicing and support from my friends.  As I ramble and have to aim in my ramblings - I think I was on to goals.  I am asking God for VISION.  I want to see Him for who He REALLY is, not as my flawed human mind imagines or how my religious upbringing has taught.  I want to see how God views me.  I want to be broken and sorry and without pride.  I want to say "I'm sorry" and not choke. When I have broken and lay out empty and bleeding before Him, I want Him to show me who I really am, to engrave that image in my heart and mind, and for me to live as His daughter - no longer beating myself up, weak and self-loathing.  I want VISION for the world as God wants me to have it - I want to see spiritual warfare (if it's His will), but mainly, I want to see the broken and needy, to love and reach out as He intends for me....  VISION means all that God wants to open my mind to, to heal my mind to.....  I want to be whole for Him.

So, yes, I am scared, and hopeful.  I KNOW that God has amazing plans for me.