I feel for sure like I am doing so bad at this! I am either so busy, so grumpy, or so tired that I do almost nothing with God. I don't know how to move past my emotions and physical feelings to spend quality time with God.
Today physically was a bad day. Getting up so early, when I worked, I was so weak, I didn't feel the energy to hold myself up, or to lift trays of bagels into the oven and out, or to work the water sprayer. When I went into the freezer, immediately, it was beyond bearably cold. I prayed and got out of that funk (with God and a bottle of OJ - I haven't been drinking LOTS of other stuff). But then my back was all in horrible unbearable knots and I felt like it just wanted to collapse. I've read that that's a symptom of dehydration, but I don't have time to drink tons of water and run to the bathroom while I work. My back has been so so bad all day long. I did a pretty hard walk with my friend, then rushed home, showered and went right to sleep.
Tonight was Erin's piano recital. On the way up, my praise music was very softly playing, and there was a song about breaking the chains and setting prisoners free and opening blind eyes and deaf ears and God coming to our generation. I had a very short good intense time of prayer. That is pretty much IT for time with God.
I have been feeling like I should be spending time with my family in the store, but even if I went to be alone, I wouldn't be spending GOOD time with God. I just don't know how! Maybe I should start watching YouTube sermons. To try to get back in the God mode. Why are people so fickle!! Why am I so much more fickle than any other person on the face of the earth?!!!
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