So another early Sunday morning. And I'm enjoying them. It's really a funny thing, God. :) He gets me up early, and I think it's a mistake, so I roll over, but wake right up.... I'm always out of bed in the early part of 6am. I take Baxter for a walk down the road to swim in the river and play in the fields and pray my best. Today I meditated a lot more. I focused on His love for me, and how it's so much more wonderful and perfect than love anyone else could have for me. I probably should do that more.
I got to church early so I could visit with my friends and sit for the early praise, which has been so good lately. The sermon was on Nehemiah and how God used him. It talked about focused prayer - his fasting and praying for days because of the state of Jerusalem's walls. And then emergent prayer - quick prayers about telling the king about his sadness, and asking for the king's generosity to build the walls - quick prayers for every little thing. And then action - being willing to do things to make God's will come about. Those are all things I need to work on more. It was such a good sermon. After the last song, Pastor got up teary eyed and said his sermon touched his heart :) Yay, God.
My Dad seems concerned for my health and wonders if I'm doing a wise thing. That surprises me. I'm still in the overweight category, but people who are naturally very slim do this fast. Human Kirstie doesn't want to be doing this. I keep looking for excuses to be finished. But Spirit Kirstie feels this is being asked of me, and to push through my temptations and my crazy strong desires to be finished. I don't feel at all that I'm being extreme. I've read tons about this, and soooo many normal people do this fast, and many many without juice (I don't drink very much juice) and many many do it without God. So I don't even feel this is a concern. My fear comes in breaking it and losing the discipline I've gained. It is so nice not to wake up and even consider food. I hope I have new habits very soon that stay forever.
Anyway, my physical health is just fine. I'm always hungry, but not 18 days hungry. (I just had the scary thought - what if I missed counting a day??!! That would SUCK!!!!) I am lighter, but no more than 15 pounds lighter. And still overweight, so it's all good.....
Yesterday was a day so full of temptation I almost cried literally. I had to drive to Nashua and took Erin and a friend shopping. I would have bought a good coffee drink. And picked a yummy snack and an amazing sit down meal. But instead, I had to watch Erin and Kelsey eat and get yummy coffee drinks, and I took them to Panera and Taco Bell. Taco Bell was the final straw for me. Now, on Father's Day, the kids took Ken out for lunch. To Subway. What I wouldn't give for Subway. It's going to take forever for me to be able to eat those things. And really, I shouldn't even be considering it. I wish God would take away my desires for food that aren't good for me..... I WISH I just liked food enough to sustain myself.
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