KS - D3

So I feel sooo good.  Don't think this is easy, but I'm doing it and with relatively little suffering.  Really, in the scheme of things, none at all!!  Picture me:  I've eaten 3 hours before and now I'm sitting at a restaurant, thinking I'm going to die of hunger.  I don't want to make small talk, and the waitress isn't bringing even a drink!  I find myself wanting to jump up and run to the kitchen to grab something and tell the manager on the way that his place SUCKS.  When something comes that I can put in my mouth, I am the first to grab and you really want to be out of my way.  That's me.  When I wake up in the morning, I am plotting a good or a bad day based on plans and what food comes with said plans.

So I haven't eaten since Wednesday night.  And today I worked a full shift at Dunkin Donuts - where we just came out with 2 new donuts I really would want to try.  The AC wasn't working for the first part of the day and I really thought I'd pass out or kick someone, but I miraculously stayed smiling (not fake either!).  THAT is miraculous God stuff right there!!

***

I am sad, really sad, by a lot of things.  And what I wanted to do was to go to FB to find friends to talk to and get encouragement.  I guess this is where I take some time and go to God.  It's crazy how things make me feel so bad so fast.

I just spent some quiet time sitting with my parents talking - about the fast and then about things my dad is facing. They sent me home with food I would LOVE to eat.  I was going to freeze it for when the fast is over and it was making me smile just to look at it :)   But I got home and some friend said some things that made me feel bad (a usual thing for him) and Ken saw my plate of food and wanted to eat it so my yummy food treat is being enjoyed now and that is probably what put me over the edge.  I want him to have good things, and it was very good of me to share, but it was very very hard to hand it over to be eaten.

Now I want to farm and pop bubbles and find someone to talk to on FB.

But I won't.  I will do what God wants me to learn to do - to go to Him when I am sad.  I don't know how to do that in a satisfying way.  I don't know how to do that at all.

"The weakness of our hunger for God is not because he is unsavory, but because we keep ourselves stuffed with "other things. Perhaps, then, the denial of our stomach's appetite for food might express, or even increase, our soul's appetite for God." - John Piper (sent in an email from Kristen Feola - www.ultimatedanielfast.com )