Well, I haven't been writing and I don't have a lot of an excuse. I feel like my fast is becoming diluted. And Today, D9, I've got to stop that. I found reasons to add popping bubbles back in, to take a few tips of a protein shake, to have my 3rd cup of wine (and guilt), some coffee... I hate writing this. But this is to be real, right?
I guess I find myself sad with how it's turned out - that I didn't have any visions of God, of how He views me, or how He views the world. I guess it's because I didn't see any direct answers to prayer, like for my cousin, or my Dad's pain, or my family coming to God. I don't speak in tongues, or get messages for my friends. I think, human Kirstie has wanted more..... I know I don't get to EXPECT it, but I guess I REALLY thought there would be more....
It's time to head toward work now, but it's also time to stop diluting my fast and even get stronger in my last 9 days.
Ken is taking Ethan to get the game I wouldn't let him buy last night - the one with warnings for content in sex, drugs, gore, violence - rated M. This is not a step forward
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I napped. I don't know what made this decision come about, but I chose to water fast after my 9:00 juice break at DDs. But I'm miserable. I don't feel like looking at people or talking or being social. I'm so hungry and tired and I just would like to cry. I don't think I have felt this crummy once during this fast. I don't know what to do. Go back to sleep? I don't even feel like talking to God.
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